


To Know Who You Are

by AmyTheWarlock



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, College Student Alec Lightwood, College Student Magnus Bane, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, I tried not to make this angsty but i didn't do a good job lol, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Journalist Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22226431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyTheWarlock/pseuds/AmyTheWarlock
Summary: Magnus has been in a writing slump for way to long, that is until his flatmate suggests that he interviews Alexander Lightwood, the captain of the swim team and all round goody two shoes. Magnus expects that following Alec around all day will be boring and a waist of time but as he starts to unravel who Alec really is he finds himself falling for him.Or...Alec has never allowed himself to date, never mind fall in love, it was far too risky. The introduction of student journalist Magnus Bane flips everything he believed in on its head as not only does he start opening up to the new person in his life but finds himself falling for him as well.#TKWYAfic
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 5
Kudos: 109





	1. He's The Only One That Keeps Private

Chapter 1: He’s the Only One That Keeps Private 

Magnus sighed in frustration as he held down his finger on the backspace button until the entirety of his work was deleted. It had been over a month since he’d written anything remotely interesting and if he was made to write another article on some sorority fashion mishap, he genuinely thought he would go insane. If he’d known that being bumped up to the senior writing team for the college newspaper would be this tedious, he’d definitely have thought twice about accepting the position. He loved writing, he wanted to make it his career, but this, well this was meaningless shit that no one really cared about, and when you know you’re writing an article that no one cares about, it makes it pretty hard to stay motivated.

“This is fucking bullshit,” Magnus said, closing the lid of his laptop and lying back down on his bed, trying to think of anything that would be more interesting than the latest rumoured love triangle between the head cheerleader, the captain and the vice-captain of the football team. Except nothing came to mind because he seemed to have exhausted every option possible.

“Writers block?” his roommate, Ragnor said from his bed.

“More like, I’m tired of writing fucking boring crap block.”

“Ahh, the age-old problem that you moan about every single week.”

“Well at least I have a job,” Magnus teased.

“I’d be offended, but I’m over here living a life of luxury so I’m not going to complain.”

“Lucky for some.”

Ragnor sighed dramatically as he got up from his own bed and started to boil the kettle, “What about Alec Lightwood?”

“What about him? And are you seriously going to drink coffee now? It’s almost midnight.”

“Yes I am, and as for Mr Lightwood, he is the captain of the swim team.”

“Your point being?”

“You’ve interviewed every captain of every team apart from him. You never know, maybe it will provide a source for the insightful piece of literature that you are craving to write.”

Magnus scoffed, “I highly doubt that.”

“Why’s that?” Ragnor said, rolling his eyes in the direction of Magnus.

“Alec Lightwood is the most boring captain out there, and that’s even including the guy that runs the darts team.”

“We have a darts team?”

“Apparently so.”

“Anyway,” Ragnor said taking a seat back on the bed, “Perhaps the fact that he’s so ‘boring’ as you put it, or ‘reserved’ as a more polite person would put it-”

“-rude.”

“So is interrupting. Moving on, perhaps this Alec Lightwood has a story to tell, he’s a good-looking boy, he socialises but never get’s drunk, his life is completely private, he has to be hiding something.”

Magnus nodded, “You could be right, or, he could just be a loner that’s good at swimming.”

“Either way, swimmers wear swimming trunks. Surely that’s an opportunity you can’t pass up?”

“They don’t live in them Ragnor, he’s hardly going to be sat in a café in his trunks, is he?”

Ragnor shrugged, “I wouldn’t know, would I? Alec Lightwood is a mystery after all.”

“Jesus, I don’t actually know why I’m your friend sometimes.”

“Because I am full of good ideas and wisdom.”

Magnus bit his lip, pretending to be thinking, “Hmm, I’m sure that’s it,” he said sarcastically as he turned off his bedside lamp.

Ragnor’s suggestion had posed the question in Magnus’ mind as to whether Alec Lightwood could be a potential interviewee, back when sports season was in full swing Magnus had really enjoyed interviewing the captains of the different teams. He was sure he would enjoy interviewing Alec, but the way he portrayed himself was so closed off, it was difficult to tell if he’d even want to take part. Saying that though, Magnus had nothing to lose and if he didn’t at least attempt to get Alec on board then he did have the possibility of losing his passion for writing entirely. He needed a kick start to get him going again, maybe Alec Lightwood could do that for him.

* * *

Magnus woke up the next morning to the annoyingly familiar banging on his bedroom door from who he assumed was his course-mate and other ‘best friend’ Catarina. He groaned as he pulled himself from underneath the covers, jealous of Ragnor’s lax schedule that allowed him to lie in.

“Rise and shine!” Catarina said enthusiastically, shoving a cup of coffee in his hand, “We have a fun day ahead of us, get dressed.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, “Double history of art followed by 3 hours of statistics is not something that falls under the category of a ‘fun day’.”

Catarina headed over to Magnus’ closet and started pulling out some clothes throwing them in his general direction, “But we finish at 2pm, and after that we are free!”

“Thank the lord,” Magnus said as he started to get himself dead.

“Do you want to do something after? There’s supposed to be a dress-rehearsal of the theatre club’s performance of ‘A Man for All Seasons’, you could write a review for your piece this week?”

“Come on, let’s go,” Magnus said, picking up his coffee and heading out of the door with Catarina in tow, “When does the swim team practice?”

“2-3:30 on a weekday, 11-2 on a weekend, why?”

Magnus nodded, grateful for Catarina’s ability to remember practically every schedule in the school. “No reason, well,” he paused, “I’m not sure. Ragnor said I should interview Alec Lightwood, I dunno though.”

“I mean you could, it might be a bit dry though.”

“That’s what I thought, Ragnor seems to think he might be some kind of mystery that he’s hiding something.”

Catarina laughed, “He really does love a bit of drama doesn’t he?”

“He’s never been one to shy away from it… he could be right though. What if I can get inside the real Alec Lightwood, what if there is something lying behind Mr Plain Jane Goody Two Shoes?”

Catarina shrugged, “You’ve got nothing to lose I guess, and if nothing comes of it, then I’m sure you’ll have another amazing idea.”

“Let’s hope so, or I’m going to be out of a job.”

* * *

Alec Lightwood had always kept himself to himself, it was easier that way, yes he was good at swimming and he loved it enough that he’d never sacrifice it for anything, but just because he was the captain, didn’t mean he was going to compromise his personal life. He’d seen how the other teams acted, out partying every night, sleeping with girl after girl, drugs, drinking, rock and roll, all the stuff that Alec wasn’t willing to be associated with. He had appearances to keep up, he was the eldest of the Lightwoods and just because he was at college now, didn’t mean that he could fuck up their reputation. Get good grades, stay captain, win races, and keep up appearances, that was his motto…which was why the presence of an incredibly attractive student journalist threw him slightly.

He’d read the interviews with the other captains, they were good, written well but they were eccentric, showed them in a light of happy go lucky kids that just happened to do well at sports and used that to live the most ‘frat boy’ or ‘sorority girl’ college experience that they could.

“Hey, it’s Alec, right?” the journalist, who Alec knew as Magnus Bane said, extending his hand which Alec took apprehensively.

Alec nodded, “you’re that journalist guy, aren’t you?”

Magnus nodded, “The one and only, it’s Magnus by the way, in case you don’t read the bottom bit of the article.”

“I know your name.”

“Well that made the introductions easy.”

Alec sighed, “I know why you’re here.”

“You do?”

“Well you’ve interviewed everyone else; I was waiting for you to come for me.”

“Come for you?” Magnus repeated, slightly bemused at Alec’s choice of words. “You’d think I was a predator of some sort.”

“That’s not what I meant, it’s just, I don’t know how I feel about this kind of thing.”

Magnus smiled, there was something about the slightly taller boy’s nature that was incredibly warming, he had this stoic presence but at the same time made you want to wrap him up, protect him…it certainly wasn’t what Magnus imagined his first impression of Alec Lightwood to be. “That’s perfectly alright. How about we go get a drink or something? Off the record, then, after that, you can decide if you want to go forward with it.”

Alec chewed on his lip apprehensively, “I suppose one beer can’t hurt. Let me just grab my bags.”

“Sure thing,” Magnus said, watching the boy as he walked away. He wasn’t even shirtless, but you could still see the muscles in his back as they pushed gently against his shirt.

It was awkward at first, the two of them barely exchanged anything between the two of them for the first half an hour, although both would be lying to themselves if they said that they weren’t enjoying being in the presence of each other. They were both attractive guys, which made sitting in awkward silence almost pleasurable.

“So,” Magnus said, putting his glass down on the bar where they were sat, “How’s the swim season going?”

Alec took a sip of his beer, “Pretty good.”

Magnus nodded, “Is that all you’ve got? Surely there’s more to tell.”

“Not really, we’ve won 95% of our meets, so pretty good kind of sums it up.”

“Right.”

“Listen Magnus, I’m not sure about all this. My life isn’t exactly interesting, I just go through the motions of each day and keep myself to myself. Surely that’s not going to make for a good article?”

“You’re a genius!” Magnus exclaimed, his hand reaching out to Alec’s in excitement that instantly turned Alec’s face red.

“I am?”

“Everyone knows you as this...how do I put it? You come across as this model student right, so much so that your behaviour seems almost untouchable to the rest of the school.”

“Do I?”

“Yes. Anyway, instead of doing a bog-standard interview, how about we do a day in the life, or a week in the life, of Alec Lightwood.”

Alec looked across at Magnus, he was like a puppy, so excitable at his new idea it was impossible to say no to, which was why he didn’t and somehow got himself signed up for a day in the life experience with Magnus Bane. Someone who probably had no idea how boring his life could be.

“Are you just going to follow me around all day? Or is this more like you wanting to do what I do every day.”

“I want to be fully immersed in your life, that way I’ll produce better content.”

“Okay…well, meet me at the gym at 5:30am. I’ll bring breakfast.”

“5:30?!” Magnus repeated, starting to regret his decision already.

Alec laughed, “Do you want to do this or not?” he teased.

“What on earth have I gotten myself in for?”

“Just some light cardio,” Alec said casually.

“Sounds like the perfect way to wake up with.”

Alec nodded his head in agreement, “You’d be surprised. Anyway, I’m going to head off, I have assignments to do. See you in the morning Magnus.”

“See you in the morning.”

Magnus smiled to himself in admiration of how he had managed to swing not only an interview but a day in the life-style piece with Alec Lightwood. On top of that, Alec didn’t seem half as boring as he let on, maybe Ragnor was right and this could be an interesting piece to write. He also couldn’t deny that Alec was also incredibly attractive and not just physically… Magnus had always liked guys that held something back, someone to unravel and fall for bit by bit not all at once.


	2. More Than Just an Interview

Chapter 2: More Than Just an Interview 

Waking up so early in the morning was part of the routine for Alec, he enjoyed it, he had the gym to himself and there was something peaceful about knowing that he was awake whilst everyone else was sleeping. Knowing that Magnus was joining him though did make him a little apprehensive about what to expect from the day. Magnus seemed like a nice guy, but then again, he was a journalist and Alec was pretty sure that trusting any journalist was a bad idea.

Unsurprisingly, Alec beat Magnus to the gym by a few minutes which he was kind of grateful for, it allowed him to have a few minutes of his normal day before Magnus’ became his shadow, which was definitely not normal as he spent the majority of most his days alone. Alec placed down his bags in the changing room and took of his shirt and sweats, changing into swimming trunks, before stretching out his arms.

“Morning.”

Alec turned around to see Magnus who had apparently slunk into the changing rooms without making any noise at all. “Morning.”

Magnus looked Alec up and down, taking in the ridiculously carved out set of abs that were almost magnetic to look at, so irresistible that it was hard not to blush. “So,” Magnus said, looking back up at Alec who was smiling slightly as it was pretty hard not to notice Magnus staring. “What’s the plan?”

“Core, then swim. You up for that?”

Magnus nodded, “Core, then swim… sounds excellent.”

“Here,” Alec said taking a bottle of vitamins out of his bag, “I’m assuming you want to eat what I eat too?”

“Yeah, sure,” he took the vitamin from Alec, “You still have the gummy ones? Aren’t they for kids?”

Alec shrugged, “I hate taking tablets.”

“Why?”

Alec looked back over at Magnus, slightly frustrated by the question, “Does anyone really have a reason for why they hate things?”

Magnus laughed slightly, “That’s profound for 5:30 in the morning.”

“Come on, we need to get moving or we’ll be late for breakfast.”

The core-based workout that Alec did was more exercise than Magnus had done in years and by the end of it he genuinely felt as though all his muscles had turned to jelly and that he could pass out at any given minute. Alec though, well he seemed fine, the minimal sweat that was on top of his stomach only worked in his favour to be honest. He looked like one of the guys from Magic Mike.

“Let’s get in the pool,” Alec said taking a sip of water from the fountain. Magnus nodded in agreement as he regained his breath, “you doing okay? Do you need a break?”

“I’ve got this,” Magnus said in a vain attempt to motivate himself. When in reality the thought of repeatedly having to move his arms around in circles sounded like an impossible task.

One thing Magnus was grateful for was the crisp coolness of the pool water which had never felt so nice to him in his life. When he was a kid, he’d used to hate swimming lessons for the very reason that he didn’t want to get in the cold lake by their house where they took place. Now though, well he could almost see the appeal.

“20 laps, whatever stroke you want. It’s more of a cool down so there’s no need to go fast,” Alec said splashing some water over his face and pushing his hair back with it.

“Do you have training again today?”

Alec nodded, “Yeah, 3-5, that’s more intense though. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to join in, we’re practicing for relays.”

“That’s fine with me. I don’t think I could take any more exercise in one day.”

Alec laughed, “It’s Friday as well, this is the lightest day of the week.”

“You’re a mad man.”

“Although,” Alec chewed his lip apprehensively, he didn’t want to come across as forward, or as though he was flirting, that would give too much away but there was something about Magnus that made it hard to hold back. “You say you don’t do much exercise, but you’re still pretty ripped.”

Magnus followed Alec’s eyes that were now focused on his abs, “I run,” he said, “Occasionally.”

“I used to be a bit of a runner myself actually. When I was younger though.”

Magnus sighed dramatically, “is there anything that you aren’t good at?”

“I couldn’t write like you do for shit.”

“I reckon if you put your mind to it you could.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to steal your thunder.”

Magnus smiled, “Well, Lorenzo Ray is already trying to do that, so less competition is welcome.”

“Who’s Lorenzo Ray?”

“Good answer. Come on, let’s swim,” Magnus said, diverting the topic from the man who was trying to steal his position on the senior writing team. He’d been trying to push him to the back of his mind for months now, but he kept on submitting pieces that were actually quite good whilst Magnus had been struggling for inspiration. It wasn’t ideal, and this piece with Alec, well he was kind of hoping it would maintain his reputation for him.

* * *

“So, what’s the plan now. It’s only 8am, classes don’t start for another hour, do they?” Magnus said as he pulled on his t-shirt and picked up his rucksack.

“We’re meeting my sister for breakfast, then we have pedologic medicine first thing.”

“You’re a med student?” Magnus asked, surprised as the last thing he’d imagined an athlete to be studying was something so time consuming and rigorously academic.

“Does that surprise you?” Alec said, holding the door open for Magnus then leading the way to the student union.

“Kind of, it must be a nightmare balancing that and your swim commitments.”

Alec shrugged, “I manage.”

“What area do you want to go into?”

“Oncology.”

Magnus nodded, “Important stuff.”

Alec turned his head and smiled at Magnus, “Definitely.”

Magnus watched as Alec looked away, he was clearly proud of what he believed in, what he wanted to do with his life, and it was nice to see in a boy that was usually so reserved. He had to admit, Alec Lightwood’s ambition was almost inspirational.

“Alec!”

Magnus focused his attention on the call of Alec’s name which came from a girl, who was obviously Alec’s sister with her long black hair and crisp red lipstick, she also, was incredibly attractive. Good looks apparently ran in the Lightwood family.

“Hey Iz,” Alec said as they approached her, giving her a quick hug.

“Who’s this?”

“This is Magnus, Magnus, this is my sister Isabelle.”

“Nice to meet you Isabelle,” Magnus said, shaking her hand, unsure as to why he was being so formal.

“And you. Have you finally caved and let yourself be interviewed?” she directed at Alec.

“Magnus will explain, I’m going to go get us all breakfast,” Alec said heading over to the cafeteria style breakfast selection that was on display.

“Your brother wasn’t so keen on the straight up standard interview. So, I suggested we do a day in the life of style piece, people are probably interested in how he manages to balance being captain of the swim team and studying medicine at the same time. It’s not an easy feat.”

Izzy nodded her head in agreement, “I’m his sister and I don’t know how he does it either,” she hesitated for a second, “You’re a good person right Magnus?”

Magnus raised her eyebrow at the bluntness of the question, “I’d like to think so.”

“Good. Just, don’t go twisting his words or making him seem something he’s not, I know journalism is all about making the best story, but… Alec couldn’t take having attention on him for the wrong reasons.”

“I won’t-”

“-What we talking about?” Alec said, putting a tray down on the table and sitting down next to Magnus.

“What the hell is this?” Magnus said looking down at the vomit-like pile of mush in front of him and earning himself a snort from Izzy.

“Oatmeal, with added protein, made with almond milk. It’s nice, I promise.”

Magnus side glanced at Alec who had already tucked into his and looked over at Izzy was still trying not to laugh at how disgusted Magnus looked. “It sounds it,” Magnus responded sarcastically.

* * *

It was quite mesmerizing for Magnus to watch Alec in his lectures, he was focused the entire time, constantly writing down notes whilst simultaneously taking in everything that the lecturer was saying. Whenever Magnus went to his own lectures, he usually had to put all his energy into staying awake, saying that though, journalism and medicine had completely different consequences when it came to not listening.

“Can anyone tell me some potential emotional or mental health related issues that can arise in children who have a long-term health problem?” the lecturer asked. They’d moved on from their first lecture of the morning to another one which focused on long term patient care. Magnus looked over at Alec whose hand made an appearance in his peripheral vision. “Go ahead Mr Lightwood.”

“I think, particularly for children that have spent a long time in the hospital for treatment, it can have a significant impact on not only their social interactions amongst their peers in the short term, but also in the long term. Having a serious medical health problem at such a young age can cause a lot of psychological trauma, worry that perhaps the same thing will happen again, or they’ll fall out of remission. That mindset can lead to issues with forming relationships for fear of anything happening to them, they already have their family to worry about if, unfortunately, they died, so forming new relationships is risky, because it’s even more people to leave behind.”

“Thank you, Alec, that was insightful and something that perhaps doesn’t come straight to mind when you think about these things at first…” the lecturer continued.

Alec started to draw patterns on the pad in front of him, he hated talking about that kind of thing. It came with the job, but it still made him upset to think about and Magnus could tell that something had shifted as the boy got more and more distracted.

“You okay? That answer was incredible, I bet you’re like the top of the class.”

“I’m fine,” Alec said just as the bell rang, “Come on, I’m starving.”

Magnus didn’t press any further, food was on his mind as it had been all morning and that was more than enough to distract him from Alec’s unusual behaviour.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon had gone as Magnus had expected, a quick lunch followed by 2 more lectures then 2 hours of swim practice that he found incredibly easy to observe. What was nice is that he felt like he was getting to know the real Alec, he was serious, still reserved, but he did have a personality that was more outgoing than he though it would be. The way he motivated his team before they practiced their relays was fuelled with passion as though it was their last chance to beat the record despite it being a practice and even seeing him with his sister, he was a lot more carefree. Alec Lightwood seemed to be the kind of person that was different depending on who he was with, which didn’t mean that his stoic goody two shoes persona was fake, it wasn’t. It just meant that he didn’t trust easily, and, in some ways, Magnus respected that. 

“What are your plans for the evening?” Magnus asked as they left the swimming pool for the day.

“Normally I just study, it’s Friday though so I have to make an appearance to at least one frat party.”

“You don’t seem too excited about that.”

“I’m not, I hate the things.”

“Then why go?” Magnus questioned; he couldn’t understand why someone would want to force themselves to go somewhere they didn’t like.

Alec sighed and stopped in his tracks, stopping Magnus too, “Why didn’t you interview me with the other captains?”

Magnus paused, “Is this a trick question?”

“Because I’m boring right? I don’t really do much, so what would there be to ask me?”

“I suppose so.”

“That’s why I go to these parties.”

“So that people don’t think you’re boring?”

“I’d like to say it wasn’t such a superficial reason, but yes… and it keeps my parents off my back.”

“You must be the only college kid whose parents actually want them to party,” Magnus joked.

“They like to remind me that being on a team doesn’t count as having friends unless you spend time with them outside of practice. This is how I prove it to them.”

“Your team mates really respect you though, surely they are your friends.”

Alec shook his head, “They respect me, that’s it.”

Magnus placed a hand dramatically on Alec’s shoulder, “I’ll be your friend Alec, don’t worry.”

Alec rolled his eyes, “Just to clarify, the lack of friends thing, it’s a conscious choice.”

Magnus brought his hands to his heart like he’d been stabbed, “Harsh,” he said, getting another eye roll from Alec. “Either way, I reckon I can make you enjoy this party.”

“Good luck with that.”

Magnus had to admit, Alec’s reluctance to have fun was a lot more profound than he originally thought it would be and what didn’t help was the amount of people that Magnus was bumping into and having to talk to. Meaning that he couldn’t keep his focus on Alec. It was nice to see though, if slightly amusing, Alec clearly wasn’t his most comfortable in situations like a frat party but his effort to make a good impression couldn’t be nocked as he made his way around everyone in the room, eventually circling back to Magnus.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Alec asked, sitting down on the sofa next to Magnus.

Magnus handed him another drink, “I am, you seem to be too?”

“It’s alright. I’m gonna head out of here soon though.”

“You should try loosen up a bit, stay a bit longer you might learn something new.”

Alec laughed, “I don’t know about that,” he paused, “I guess I do have better company than usual though,” he said nudging Magnus.

“Oh stop it, you’re going to make me blush!” Magnus said a grin on his face, was Alec flirting with him? He honestly couldn’t tell. “Come on, let’s go dance.”

“I don’t really…”

“…Shush, you might enjoy it.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand and pulled him up leading him onto the patio which had turned into a dancefloor as they continued to drink the night away…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> I hope you are all enjoying this fic, let me know what you think! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Amy x


	3. It's Addictive the Minute You Let Yourself Think

Chapter 3: It’s Addictive the Minute You Let Yourself Think

Alec woke up, his head groggy from the night before. He yawned, slowly stretching his arms out, not expecting to make contact with someone lying beside him. He jumped out of bed quickly, grateful to realise that he was at least still in his boxers… this was why he couldn’t get drunk, why he couldn’t enjoy himself like this, it only made things harder the next day.

“What’s wrong?” Magnus said rubbing his eyes and adjusting himself so he could look over at Alec who was already in quite the fluster.

“You need to go,” Alec stated, throwing Magnus his clothes.

“Alec-” Magnus protested.

“Just. Go,” Alec said, “This can’t be happening,” he tugged at his hair impatiently. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Magnus got up out of the bed and headed over to Alec, wanting to calm him down to talk some sense into him, “Nothing, happened Alec, we kissed, and we fell asleep, that’s all.”

Alec moved away from Magnus, barely listening to a word he was saying. “Please, Magnus, just go. You can’t be here.”

“Alec, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” Magnus started getting dressed, taking his time, he didn’t really want to leave Alec in such a state.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, I do.”

“No, you really fucking don’t. This is way more complicated than you could ever imagine so just get out of my fucking apartment and leave me alone!”

Magnus stood for a second, stunned at how upset Alec was getting over this, it was a lot and considering they’d only known each other just over 24 hours Magnus was kind of hurt by his words. “Okay. I’ll send you the article to approve in a couple of days.”

“Fine,” Alec said, refusing to look at Magnus as he headed out the door, a feeling of shame that ate away at him all to often preventing him from changing what had just happened.

The door closed behind Magnus, as Alec kicked his shoe across the room, trying his best not to scream. He had to calm down, getting het up like this, getting stressed, it wasn’t good for him and he knew that, but sometimes that was easier said than done. He sat down on his bed, closing his eyes as he regulated his breathing and wished that he wasn’t like this. That he wasn’t so scarred that he couldn’t form any meaningful relationships, that he didn’t have to live in fear anymore, they were just wishes though, and Alec knew all too well that wishes never came true. He’d made enough in his life to test that theory.

* * *

It was two days later when the email with the finished version of the article came through on Alec’s computer, which at first, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to read. He hadn’t exactly bestowed a good impression on Magnus, and journalists can be known for their cruel words. He had to read it though, for his own sanity more than anything, he liked Magnus and if he was happy with the piece, he wasn’t going to spite him by refusing to let him publish it.

Alexander Lightwood

Swim Captain.

_Alexander Lightwood, Alec. The leader of our swim team and medicine student that everyone looks up to, because how does Alec Lightwood do it? Let me answer that question for you._

_I followed Alec’s routine for an entire day, starting at 5:30 in the morning and ending late in the evening, it’s a miracle how he manages it all. With a schedule so intense that there’s barely time to stop for lunch, anyone else would have a mental breakdown, or be absolutely intolerable to hang out with. Your swim captain though, well, I have to say, it was a pleasure to get to know him._

_The first thing that Alec does is work out, at that early in the morning you’re probably thinking he’s insane, however, there is method to his madness. I actually quite enjoyed our core workout even if I did struggle to move the next day and having the pool all to ourselves was tranquil, so tranquil that I almost enjoyed the exercise. Which is saying something, as exercise really is not my thing. Following Alec’ morning workout we headed to breakfast which may have tasted disgusting and looked like vomit, but did allow me to meet his wonderful sister, Isabelle. Now, this may come as a shock to you, but Alexander Lightwood is, by design, a family man, he may be a man of few words, but seeing him with his sister, it was obvious. Family is at the core of the being, and I truly believe that he would do anything for any of his family members. He has a kind soul, something that is apparent as soon as you spend more than 5 minutes with him outside of lectures or the swimming pool._

_The rest of the morning was filled with lecturers, with a heavy focus on oncology and paediatrics. I was particularly impressed by his insightful contributions (his lecturers’ words not mine) regarding the effects of long-term medical care on children’s emotional and mental well-being. It highlighted how passionate your swim captain is about things more than just swimming. At this point, it became clear to me that Alec is perhaps a lot more layered than you would think at first glance._

_Following his final swim practice of the day, where the team was working on relays and that I unfortunately could not participate in, I was surprised to find out that Alec was planning on attending a party that evening. For someone so reserved, and well-behaved, it didn’t seem to fit. However, Alec reassured me that the reason for his attendance was a way for him to seem social, to work on his interpersonal relations because at the end of the day, there’s more to being a captain than being a good leader. Which, for the record, Alec most definitely is._

_Seeing Alec at the party was perhaps my favourite part of our day together, he was unafraid to let his hair down a bit and when he did, he was a lot more talkative than he was without any alcohol in him. Saying that though, the whole day was one of the best day’s that I have had in years. If I’m honest with myself, I wasn’t expecting much other than to be bored, I’ve never been a fan of swimming and I don’t have the brains to study medicine, but the unfaltering kindness of your swim captain is so present that it is almost impossible to not enjoy his company. Alec Lightwood is an incredible person, someone who you can trust in minutes because you just know that he will never let you down, not intentionally. He is motivating and caring and someone that everyone could do with meeting, because ultimately, the world would only be a better place if we had more Alec Lightwood’s in it._

_Magnus Bane._

Alec hadn’t expected for the article to hit him that hard, nor had he expected to make such an impression on Magnus, especially when he considered how he’d left things with him. He felt bad about it, he shouldn’t have kicked off at him like that, not with someone that he did genuinely like as well. Yes, it was one night, and Alec didn’t want anything to come of it, but he knew that he was wrong and that deserved an explanation.

\- Hey, can I talk to you?

Alec felt somewhat nervous as he clicked send, he didn’t want to use an excuse and say it was about the article, that would be pathetic. He had to be honest with himself, and with Magnus. His phone vibrated beside him.

\- I’m kind of near your place now. Want me to drop by?

\- Sounds good.

Magnus’ message put him at ease slightly, he didn’t seem pissed off which was good because Alec had never been good at dealing with situations when people were angry with him. Mainly because he knew he couldn’t get stressed, so he usually just had to walk away, which was frustrating but also made him come across as incapable in some ways.

Alec jumped at the knock on his door, he hadn’t expected Magnus to arrive that quickly which meant he hadn’t really figured out what he was going to say yet. He ran his hand through his hair apprehensively as he opened it up.

“Hey,” he said quietly, looking at Magnus who, of course, was just as attractive as ever.

“Hey.”

“Come in, do you want anything to drink?”

“What do you want to talk about Alec?”

Alec chewed on his lips before exhaling slowly, “I wanted to apologise, chucking you out like that, it wasn’t okay. I was an idiot, I’m sorry.”

Magnus watched Alec as he sat down on the sofa, part of him wanted to give him the cold shoulder, but there was something else that Alec was hiding, that signified that he needed support and forced Magnus to take a seat next to him.

“I just don’t get it. You said I was the first person that you’ve ever connected with like that, then you just what, forget all about it the next morning? Act like I’m some intruder, kick me out, it didn’t make sense Alec, you have to see that right?”

Alec looked down at the floor, he wanted to cry, he really wanted to cry. He’d never fancied anyone before, whether that was because he’d pushed them away or because he’d never met someone like Magnus, he wasn’t sure. Either way, his decision to not form any meaningful relationships was getting harder and harder to obey. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus noticed the crack in his voice immediately, “It’s okay. Just, talk to me.” He lifted Alec’s jaw up, “I’m not going to write an article about this, you don’t have to worry.”

Alec laughed slightly, “I know… I never talk about this, because as soon as people know, it changes everything.”

“I’m sure whatever it is-”

“-I had cancer, when I was a kid. A brain tumour.”

Magnus’ mouth went dry, the last thing he’d been expecting was an admission like that, but it kind of made sense. “Alec, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s fine, it’s not a big deal, not really.”

Magnus raised his eyebrow at Alec, “That’s not what you suggested in that lecture the other day.”

Alec looked back down at the floor, “Anyway, they removed it, the tumour, but a side effect of that was some brain damage, which means I sometimes have seizures, like a form of epilepsy. Which is why I can’t be in a relationship with anyone.”

Magnus looked at Alec, confused, “I don’t get it, why not?”

“I could get cancer again Magnus, I could have a really bad seizure and be permanently brain damaged o-or have a seizure in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t want anyone else to love me than the people that already do because it’s just one more person to leave behind if something happens.”

Magnus placed his hand on Alec’s shoulder, “you know how ridiculous that sounds right?” Alec nodded, of course he did, that didn’t change his mind though. “How long have you been in remission?”

“8 years.”

“Congratulations Alec, that’s amazing.”

Alec shook his head, “Don’t say that, it could come back, just, don’t risk it.”

“Okay, okay. What about the seizures, do they happen often?”

“I take meds to control them, but they can just happen randomly, if I get stressed, or angry usually. Which is why I try to stay out of any drama.”

“And why you kicked me out?”

“Partially.”

“What was the other reason?”

Alec sighed, “Because as much as I hate to admit it, I do find you incredibly attractive and you’re such a nice person, pushing you away like that was hard. I’ve never felt something like that before.”

Magnus nodded, “You know, the cancer history, the epilepsy, it doesn’t put me off.”

“It should.”

“Listen, it’s early days. I know everything now, what’s the harm in going for a drink or something?”

Alec sighed, “I just don’t want something to happen-”

“-Sometimes, you’ve got to take the risk Alec.”

“Fine,” he said, pondering for a moment, “Just, keep it between the two of us for now.”

Magnus nodded, “Of course.”

Alec sighed, “Do you want some tea?”

Magnus smiled, “Sure.”

He waited for a second, he felt somewhat full, being someone that Alec could trust was a strange feeling. It was clear that Alec didn’t usually open up about his past to anyone, that he liked to keep it to himself because… he was scared, Magnus guessed. Knowing that he did trust Magnus that he thought it was worth the risk that he had on his mind constantly warmed Magnus’ heart, it filled him up with that sensation of lust that he hadn’t felt in so long. He smiled to himself, he had a feeling that this was going to be the start of something a whole lot bigger than just one drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Hope you are all still enjoying this! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, 
> 
> Amy x

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone! 
> 
> I'm back (a bit later than I planned because I've been in a writing slump recently)! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and that this fic helps some of you with the January blues? 
> 
> Thanks for reading,
> 
> Amy x


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